Am I in love

I have never been one to lie about the things that matter and the unfortunate thing about the way things have turned out has proven to be some poetic justice of some kind. There was a certain girl who I did not love at first but pretended I did until in actual fact I fell for her. By then she was falling out of love with me ( with the help of some other guy of course). By the time she felt nothing 4 me, my feelings had blossomed to the point of obsession. In a stupid act of selflessness I listened to ‘they’ and let her go with the stupid belief that if its meant to be it will come back..and all that other bullshit. So far she has come and gone back to lots of guys, me excluded and although my heart has hope my head has reason. Love may be blind but I am not and I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out she does not want me. But although I am no longer in love with her fact is I love her for the simple fact that she made me feel things no other woman had been able to before her. I never knew the thin line between love and hate until I met her, and for the first time in my life I felt that heart wrenching emotion called jealousy. Then it sank, I do feel after all and with that the flood gates to my emotional barrier were opened and a whole charade of emotions began to gush out of me. I wasn't the calm collected charmer I always presented, I became this insecure unstable pathetic emotional wreck and looking back I can see why she lost interest in me. Then you think that you have learned from your lessons and fast foward to the present time and although the cast has changed the story is still somewhat similar. To make a long story short I am seriously fucked..