Dear Uncle

Dear Kwaki

My life is at an all time low, it seems like Gods plan is against me. I seem to fail in everything I pursue. I have tried taking my life many times but that has only landed me in hospital with brutal injuries or getting my stomach pumped, what should I do.

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous aka Loser

Gods plan is not against you, the thing is you are probably female and whenever you tell God you want something he naturally assumes you mean the opposite. You would be better off praying for poverty and failure, he just might grant you the opposite. Anyway if all fails there is always the thought of someone worse off than you, I find watching the news particularly heart warming there is always bad things happening to other people and sometimes there is the occasional graphic murder and some really gut wrenching pics of abnormal stuff in life. So be glad you are not them unless you were serious about the suicide thing in which case you really are a failure, you cant even get your own sucide right.

Kwaki