Dear Kwaki
My life is at an all time low, it seems like Gods plan is against me. I seem to fail in everything I pursue. I have tried taking my life many times but that has only landed me in hospital with brutal injuries or getting my stomach pumped, what should I do.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous aka Loser
Gods plan is not against you, the thing is you are probably female and whenever you tell God you want something he naturally assumes you mean the opposite. You would be better off praying for poverty and failure, he just might grant you the opposite. Anyway if all fails there is always the thought of someone worse off than you, I find watching the news particularly heart warming there is always bad things happening to other people and sometimes there is the occasional graphic murder and some really gut wrenching pics of abnormal stuff in life. So be glad you are not them unless you were serious about the suicide thing in which case you really are a failure, you cant even get your own sucide right.
Kwaki
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The freak test
"Have you ever . . ."
1)
French kissed (tongued)?
2)
been on a blind date?
3)
had or given a love bite?
4)
engaged in foreplay?
5)
read a pornographic book or magazine?
6)
masturbated to a picture?
7)
sucked an MOS’s breasts or had your breasts sucked?
8)
seen a pornographic movie?
9)
gone skinny-dipping with a MOS?
10)
committed an act of exhibitionism (moon, streak, flash)?
11)
masturbated?
12)
purchased contraceptives?
13)
engaged in foreplay for more than two hours consecutively?
14)
been shopping inside a porn shop?
15)
showered or bathed with a MOS?
16)
shaved your pubic hair?
17)
committed an act of voyeurism?
18)
had sex with a virgin?
19)
had sex in a car?
20)
had sex outdoors?
21)
experienced a lap dance?
22)
gone to a strip club or porn house?
23)
performed a strip tease for a MOS?
24)
met with someone for sex only?
25)
had sex non-stop for an hour?
26)
interrupted a couple having sex?
27)
jerked off or fingered by a MOS?
28)
jerked off or fingered a MOS?
29)
photographed a MOS naked?
30)
been naked in photos taken by a MOS?
31)
given oral sex to a MOS?
32)
done 69?
33)
had sex in three or more positions?
34)
experimented sexually before puberty?
35)
been caught masturbating?
36)
masturbated with another person in the room?
37)
watched another person masturbate?
38)
watched another party have sex?
39)
had sex in a public place?
40)
had sex during menstruation?
41)
gotten a woman pregnant, been pregnant?
42)
(arranged, had) an abortion?
43)
have a child or children?
44)
had a V.D. test?
45)
had a V.D.?
46)
orgasmed three or more times in one night?
47)
travelled over 100 km just to get laid?
48)
cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
49)
picked up a stranger for sex?
50)
had sex with someone you met online?
51)
had sex with a MOS with an age difference of 10 years or more?
52)
had sex with a MOS with an age difference of 20 years or more?
53)
put an inanimate object up your vagina or anus?
54)
had anal sex?
55)
had sex in front of a third party?
56)
had an alcoholic drink?
57)
been drunk?
58)
used alcohol to lower a MOS’s resistance?
59)
had an alcoholic blackout?
60)
smoked tobacco?
61)
smoked pot or hashish?
62)
used LSD, PCP, heroin, or Mushrooms?
63)
used cocaine?
64)
used three or more recreational drugs in one night?
65)
been arrested?
66)
been convicted of a crime?
67)
accepted money to remove any clothing?
68)
Screwed on the first date?
69)
had a threesome?
70)
had a foursome?
71)
screamed or moaned the wrong name during sex?
72)
rimmed a partner?
73)
Sought out a prostitute or gigolo?
77)
engaged with a prostitute or gigolo?
75)
had sex with two M’sOS at the same time?
76)
had sex with two different people separately in a 24 hr period?
77)
videotaped yourself having sex?
78)
accepted money to perform a sexual act?
79)
gave or received sex with a strap-on?
80)
slept with a married MOS?
81)
been engaged?
82)
been married?
83)
had sex with a friend of a current boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
84)
had sex with a relative of a current boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
85)
had sex with more than 10 different people in your life?
86)
had sex with more than 30 different people in your life?
87)
had sex with more than 50 different people in your life?
88)
had sex with an unconscious person?
89)
been propositioned by a homosexual?
90)
accepted?
91)
kissed a member of the SAME sex?
92)
been masturbated by a member of the SAME sex?
93)
been orally stimulated by a member of the SAME sex?
94)
had sex with a member of the SAME sex?
95)
lived in a threesome (sex with 2 others) for a month or more?
96)
been involved in an orgy or swingers party?
97)
engaged in bondage?
98)
engaged in sadomasochism for sexual enjoyment?
99)
engaged in group (5 or more people) sex?
100)
made a list of all the people you slept with?
MOS - Member of Opposite Sex
1)
French kissed (tongued)?
2)
been on a blind date?
3)
had or given a love bite?
4)
engaged in foreplay?
5)
read a pornographic book or magazine?
6)
masturbated to a picture?
7)
sucked an MOS’s breasts or had your breasts sucked?
8)
seen a pornographic movie?
9)
gone skinny-dipping with a MOS?
10)
committed an act of exhibitionism (moon, streak, flash)?
11)
masturbated?
12)
purchased contraceptives?
13)
engaged in foreplay for more than two hours consecutively?
14)
been shopping inside a porn shop?
15)
showered or bathed with a MOS?
16)
shaved your pubic hair?
17)
committed an act of voyeurism?
18)
had sex with a virgin?
19)
had sex in a car?
20)
had sex outdoors?
21)
experienced a lap dance?
22)
gone to a strip club or porn house?
23)
performed a strip tease for a MOS?
24)
met with someone for sex only?
25)
had sex non-stop for an hour?
26)
interrupted a couple having sex?
27)
jerked off or fingered by a MOS?
28)
jerked off or fingered a MOS?
29)
photographed a MOS naked?
30)
been naked in photos taken by a MOS?
31)
given oral sex to a MOS?
32)
done 69?
33)
had sex in three or more positions?
34)
experimented sexually before puberty?
35)
been caught masturbating?
36)
masturbated with another person in the room?
37)
watched another person masturbate?
38)
watched another party have sex?
39)
had sex in a public place?
40)
had sex during menstruation?
41)
gotten a woman pregnant, been pregnant?
42)
(arranged, had) an abortion?
43)
have a child or children?
44)
had a V.D. test?
45)
had a V.D.?
46)
orgasmed three or more times in one night?
47)
travelled over 100 km just to get laid?
48)
cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
49)
picked up a stranger for sex?
50)
had sex with someone you met online?
51)
had sex with a MOS with an age difference of 10 years or more?
52)
had sex with a MOS with an age difference of 20 years or more?
53)
put an inanimate object up your vagina or anus?
54)
had anal sex?
55)
had sex in front of a third party?
56)
had an alcoholic drink?
57)
been drunk?
58)
used alcohol to lower a MOS’s resistance?
59)
had an alcoholic blackout?
60)
smoked tobacco?
61)
smoked pot or hashish?
62)
used LSD, PCP, heroin, or Mushrooms?
63)
used cocaine?
64)
used three or more recreational drugs in one night?
65)
been arrested?
66)
been convicted of a crime?
67)
accepted money to remove any clothing?
68)
Screwed on the first date?
69)
had a threesome?
70)
had a foursome?
71)
screamed or moaned the wrong name during sex?
72)
rimmed a partner?
73)
Sought out a prostitute or gigolo?
77)
engaged with a prostitute or gigolo?
75)
had sex with two M’sOS at the same time?
76)
had sex with two different people separately in a 24 hr period?
77)
videotaped yourself having sex?
78)
accepted money to perform a sexual act?
79)
gave or received sex with a strap-on?
80)
slept with a married MOS?
81)
been engaged?
82)
been married?
83)
had sex with a friend of a current boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
84)
had sex with a relative of a current boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?
85)
had sex with more than 10 different people in your life?
86)
had sex with more than 30 different people in your life?
87)
had sex with more than 50 different people in your life?
88)
had sex with an unconscious person?
89)
been propositioned by a homosexual?
90)
accepted?
91)
kissed a member of the SAME sex?
92)
been masturbated by a member of the SAME sex?
93)
been orally stimulated by a member of the SAME sex?
94)
had sex with a member of the SAME sex?
95)
lived in a threesome (sex with 2 others) for a month or more?
96)
been involved in an orgy or swingers party?
97)
engaged in bondage?
98)
engaged in sadomasochism for sexual enjoyment?
99)
engaged in group (5 or more people) sex?
100)
made a list of all the people you slept with?
MOS - Member of Opposite Sex
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Lucky number 5
Have you ever realised that all women claim to have slept with only 5 men? Ask any woman about her past lovers and she will usually tell you its five, now ask any guy about their past lovers and they will give you about 10. And no matter how many additional lovers she has had it will remain at a constant kind of like Mugabe's 78th birthday.Women have a mindset that anything in the region of five says she is not a slut and guys believe anything lower than ten says he is not experienced in bed. The human race (defined as men and women chasing after each other) is funny in that regard, women want men who sleep around and men seemingly want women who dont.
Anyway on another tip if you watched American Pie 2 then you should know about the rule of three. When any woman gives you the number of men she has slept with add an additional three, in some cases multiply the number by three and in extreme cases its to the power of three. In the case of guys the opposite is usually true which bring us to the question you are all wondering ..... have I really reached the 79mark? Hmmm.. that is for me to know and you to judge.
Ok so there is no hope for me in terms of a BCB (baby come back) so right now I am probably the only guy who has ever regreted not cheating on his girlfriend, I mean what was the use. On that tip I am making it my mission to get laid this weekend or sooner and may my dick have mercy on whoever will suffer its wrath.
Until then later
Anyway on another tip if you watched American Pie 2 then you should know about the rule of three. When any woman gives you the number of men she has slept with add an additional three, in some cases multiply the number by three and in extreme cases its to the power of three. In the case of guys the opposite is usually true which bring us to the question you are all wondering ..... have I really reached the 79mark? Hmmm.. that is for me to know and you to judge.
Ok so there is no hope for me in terms of a BCB (baby come back) so right now I am probably the only guy who has ever regreted not cheating on his girlfriend, I mean what was the use. On that tip I am making it my mission to get laid this weekend or sooner and may my dick have mercy on whoever will suffer its wrath.
Until then later
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
"F" the "F" word
Ok so no sooner had I decided to be faithful I got dumped (again) by sms (again) by... yes you guessed it the same chick. It seems to be her thing so I decided to check myself into therapy...self therapy that is. After all I am an agony uncle (although the only psychology I studied was Industrial Psychology 101). So let me be my first patient
Dear Kwaki
I do not know what it is about me but I feel that whenever my intentions are good with a woman she loses interest in me but when they are not I have to use a scapel to scrape them off my dick, is there something wrong with being nice to a woman? Please help!!!
Yours truly
Kwaki
Dear Kwaki (ok this is begining to sound reduntant)
First of all do you realize you are talking to yourself? That being said I have answered your question, of course there is something wrong with you, you bloody moron....stop using your emotions and start using your erections seeing as the latter seem to get you laid. Of course you are not to blame entirely, women are hypocrites they say one thing and do another. There is one fundamental secret to understanding the female species ..... never expect them to act rationally. That being said I know you still love Tru... I mean this anonymous woman you are talking about but ask yourself (which is what you are doing right now-this is getting confusing) is she worth it, I mean just because she is beautiful, has the voice of an angel, a freak in bed and you love her with all your heart (whats left of it anyway) and miss her with all your body .... damn man you messed up our lives, what the hell posessed you to let her go?
Ahhh well
Kwaki
So write to your uncle if you have any kind of problem.
Dear Kwaki
I do not know what it is about me but I feel that whenever my intentions are good with a woman she loses interest in me but when they are not I have to use a scapel to scrape them off my dick, is there something wrong with being nice to a woman? Please help!!!
Yours truly
Kwaki
Dear Kwaki (ok this is begining to sound reduntant)
First of all do you realize you are talking to yourself? That being said I have answered your question, of course there is something wrong with you, you bloody moron....stop using your emotions and start using your erections seeing as the latter seem to get you laid. Of course you are not to blame entirely, women are hypocrites they say one thing and do another. There is one fundamental secret to understanding the female species ..... never expect them to act rationally. That being said I know you still love Tru... I mean this anonymous woman you are talking about but ask yourself (which is what you are doing right now-this is getting confusing) is she worth it, I mean just because she is beautiful, has the voice of an angel, a freak in bed and you love her with all your heart (whats left of it anyway) and miss her with all your body .... damn man you messed up our lives, what the hell posessed you to let her go?
Ahhh well
Kwaki
So write to your uncle if you have any kind of problem.
Monday, May 21, 2007
The 'F' word
I am trying out this thing they call being 'Faithful'and despite the beautiful women who occasionaly grace my presence I have made it a point not to indulge. Painful as it may sound it does have interesting results. Women cant stand not being chatted up, even if they dont want you they demand a sense of interest from you. Confusing, but what isnt as far as women are concerned.As 'my hate'said 'I dont even understand myself'.
Ok apparantly I have somewhat of a reputation as a pervert and a freak, even people from Pretoria and Joburg know this......Brand recognition at its best, if you are lost check out my archives under 'understanding marketing'
Of course in reality I am not a pervert just because I am one woman short of reaching the 80 mark (Durex and Lovers plus owe me big time)and I have a porn collection that would make the devil blush(so does Hustler and Private) and have another X-rated blog which shows me as nature intended doesnt mean I am a pervert. Which reminds me the buy the Diva a Dildo campaign is still on .... this is serious people, she runs the risk of losing her fingerprints if she continues abusing her hand the way she is. So contact me and I will give you my bank details and to prove this isnt a scam every donation will be published on this blog.
Anyway later people.
Ok apparantly I have somewhat of a reputation as a pervert and a freak, even people from Pretoria and Joburg know this......Brand recognition at its best, if you are lost check out my archives under 'understanding marketing'
Of course in reality I am not a pervert just because I am one woman short of reaching the 80 mark (Durex and Lovers plus owe me big time)and I have a porn collection that would make the devil blush(so does Hustler and Private) and have another X-rated blog which shows me as nature intended doesnt mean I am a pervert. Which reminds me the buy the Diva a Dildo campaign is still on .... this is serious people, she runs the risk of losing her fingerprints if she continues abusing her hand the way she is. So contact me and I will give you my bank details and to prove this isnt a scam every donation will be published on this blog.
Anyway later people.
Beer is healthy and I have the proof
I visited the SAB website to find out about the new green bottle, HANSA MARZEN GOLD. They havent updated on it yet but while I was there I stumbled on some interesting facts about drinking.
BEER & HEALTH
What's in our beer?
On average, it takes seven weeks, from barley to beer, to produce a bottle of our standard lager (such as Castle). As the brewing process is a natural one, and cannot be speeded up, this is comparable to other international brands that share a similar climate to South Africa.
Beer contains no fat or cholesterol.
Our beers contain only malted barley, water, hops and maize or rice (Miller Genuine Draft). Yeast transforms the sugars to alcohol, but is not an ingredient as such.
There are no preservatives or additives in any of our beers.
Beer is beneficial in combating heart disease(you hardly ever fall in love when youre drunk), osteoporosis, stomach ulcers, Alzheimer's (how come you hardly remember the previous night) and helps reduce the formation kidney stones.
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (could you say that again)
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (I didnt mean that literally)
Beer - the forgotten nutraceutical? (nutrawhat???)
Barry Axcell - SABMiller Group Chief Brewer
The beginnings of brewing are lost in the mists of time. Inscriptions on ancient Sumerian tablets show that beer was that beer was brewed at least 6000 years ago and drunk by the rich through straws of gold or lapis lazuli.(The last time I saw someone drinking from a straw it was because his lips were too swollen from a fight the previous day ... now that is classic) Its origin, however, may be much more ancient and even go back tot he so-called "dawning of civilization" when men moved from a nomadic existence to one of agriculture some 10 000 years ago. Quite possibly the catalyst in this change of lifestyle may have been the realisation that growing barley could generate the raw materials to produce the "humble pint". The is difficult to separate baking and brewing in the distant past as they were intimately linked and in number of languages the word for "bread" and "brewed" are in fact the same.
Whatever the origins, beer has played an important part in human history. In ancient Egypt, King Rameses III was said to have sacrificed half million jugs of beer to the Gods.(I wonder if they had AA meetings in the heavens) An old Egyptian slogan states that "the mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer". By the Middle Ages, beer was seen as very important tot he medieval family and certainly a lost safer to drink than water.(Especially the water from Harare in Zim .... they chew their water) The wife was usually responsible for both brewing and baking.(sigh ... they dont make them like they used to) During this time many monasteries became involved in the production of beer which gave beer a seal of "holy approval".(as I said they dont make them like they used to) The daily allowance of beer at court in Tudor times was around 9 litres! The artist William Hogarth, painted two pictures in 1735 depicting the virtues of beer over gin. The one painting, called "Gin Lane", describes a scene of drunkenness and social chaos whereas the other "Beer Street" depicts respectability and the flourishing of the arts and literature. During the 1800's beer was seen as essential for health and according to Dr Charles Macalister, a consultant paedeatrician in England, teetotalers were looked at as dietetic cranks and sometimes rejected by medical examiners for life assurance on the grounds that they were taking risks in abstaining from what was considered to be an essential food.(I should show this to my medical aid company) In the 1950's and 1960's in the UK a number of now famous advertisements on beer and its health benefits were seen. The classic "Guinness is good for you" and by golly, it does you good", are examples of this. However, from the 1970's onwards, many foods and beverages became associated with health concerns. (And so began the dark ages)
There were new concerns about chronic diseases, especially cancer. Analytical techniques were developed to detect trace amounts of substances present in food that could be harmful. As these techniques became more sensitive, the levels of compounds that could be detected became lower and lower. What was classed as zero 2 or 3 years ago was now quoted in micrograms, nanograms or even femtograms. Now, of course, consumers expect foods to be totally "risk free". Legislators respond to this by adopting the "precautionary principle" and demand levels of certain substances to be declared. As lower levels of detection become available, the more so-called "hazardous" chemicals are found in food. This can de described as the "analytical paradox". Consequently more and more "food scares" have been reported in the media. The combined effect of all this work is to focus on the health negatives rather than the health positives of food and beverages.
So, arguably, for 99.5% of beer's history is was seen as a nutritious, wholesome product that was an integral part of family life and culture. Only in the last 30 years or so were these values largely overlooked. Interestingly, in the 1990's the general perception was that 'you are what you eat'. In other words, the predominant cause of illness was diet with genetics playing a small part. As we moved into 2000's that perception changed with genetics being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with diet being relegated to a much lower percentage. More and more evidence is again accumulating on health benefits of moderate beer consumption.
What was originally called the "wine paradox" has been widely shown to be due to alcohol. Alcohol can protect against heart disease in number of ways:
It can inhibit atheroschlerosis by increasing levels of apolipoprotein A-1 and by increasing levels of high density lipoprotein (HDLP).
Thrombosis (clotting) can be inhibited through lowering of fibrinogen, lowering platelet aggregation and increasing the break-up of clots.
There is a general reduction of stress and coronary arteries are dilated.
There have been many clinical studies worldwide carried out in the last 5 years that support the above observations. Recently (December 1999), Rimm et al (Harvard School of Public Health) in the British Medical Journal published an overview of coronary heart disease research that took a statistical review of clinical studies worldwide. This research showed that 30g of alcohol/day (approx. 2½ beers) increased HDLP on average by 8,3% and Apolopoprotein A1 by 6,5%. He estimated a 25% reduction in the risk of coronary heart disease as a result of this alcohol intake over the control groups of abstainers. Beer of course is ideal for moderate alcohol consumption because of its relatively high water content and low alcohol levels. (???????????)
During the malting process, whereby barley is germinated and kilned under controlled conditions, a number of important nutrients are formed. For example, the folate (a vitamin) content of malt increases sixfold. Sprouted cereals have long been seen as a nutrients food so it is not suprising that much of their goddness is carried through into the beer itself.
Very recently a number of hop compounds have been shown to exhibit anti-cancer as well as anti-cancer as well as antioxidant properties. Preliminary studies have also indicated that hop compounds may be important in preventing osteporosis, ulcer formation, cardiovascular disease and may even protect against liver disease. There is also a growing body of evidence that phytoestrogens derived from hops in beer are beneficial to health for both men and women.
All this evidence is really telling us what has been known for the best part of the last 6000 years: that beer, in moderation, is a wholesome and nutritious drink. This idea of beer as a 'nutraceutical' - a pleasant form of acquiring some essential nutrients can build on this foundation and re-position beer as THE alcohol drink of moderation. If you can live longer and healthier by savouring this 'golden nectar', what an added bonus! (Now all I have to do is convince my boss to remove that water dispenser thingy and put a Keg)
Now that just confirms what I have known my whole life ... watch this space for the new green bottle. I am trying to get SAB to sponser me with their first batch of the green hansa so we can make an unbiased report with the whole gang.
Otherwise on a personal level I dont understand most of the words used up there but it sounds scientific enough to be true.
Later
PS-All the parts written in red are mine. The rest you can find on the SAB website.
BEER & HEALTH
What's in our beer?
On average, it takes seven weeks, from barley to beer, to produce a bottle of our standard lager (such as Castle). As the brewing process is a natural one, and cannot be speeded up, this is comparable to other international brands that share a similar climate to South Africa.
Beer contains no fat or cholesterol.
Our beers contain only malted barley, water, hops and maize or rice (Miller Genuine Draft). Yeast transforms the sugars to alcohol, but is not an ingredient as such.
There are no preservatives or additives in any of our beers.
Beer is beneficial in combating heart disease(you hardly ever fall in love when youre drunk), osteoporosis, stomach ulcers, Alzheimer's (how come you hardly remember the previous night) and helps reduce the formation kidney stones.
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (could you say that again)
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (I didnt mean that literally)
Beer - the forgotten nutraceutical? (nutrawhat???)
Barry Axcell - SABMiller Group Chief Brewer
The beginnings of brewing are lost in the mists of time. Inscriptions on ancient Sumerian tablets show that beer was that beer was brewed at least 6000 years ago and drunk by the rich through straws of gold or lapis lazuli.(The last time I saw someone drinking from a straw it was because his lips were too swollen from a fight the previous day ... now that is classic) Its origin, however, may be much more ancient and even go back tot he so-called "dawning of civilization" when men moved from a nomadic existence to one of agriculture some 10 000 years ago. Quite possibly the catalyst in this change of lifestyle may have been the realisation that growing barley could generate the raw materials to produce the "humble pint". The is difficult to separate baking and brewing in the distant past as they were intimately linked and in number of languages the word for "bread" and "brewed" are in fact the same.
Whatever the origins, beer has played an important part in human history. In ancient Egypt, King Rameses III was said to have sacrificed half million jugs of beer to the Gods.(I wonder if they had AA meetings in the heavens) An old Egyptian slogan states that "the mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer". By the Middle Ages, beer was seen as very important tot he medieval family and certainly a lost safer to drink than water.(Especially the water from Harare in Zim .... they chew their water) The wife was usually responsible for both brewing and baking.(sigh ... they dont make them like they used to) During this time many monasteries became involved in the production of beer which gave beer a seal of "holy approval".(as I said they dont make them like they used to) The daily allowance of beer at court in Tudor times was around 9 litres! The artist William Hogarth, painted two pictures in 1735 depicting the virtues of beer over gin. The one painting, called "Gin Lane", describes a scene of drunkenness and social chaos whereas the other "Beer Street" depicts respectability and the flourishing of the arts and literature. During the 1800's beer was seen as essential for health and according to Dr Charles Macalister, a consultant paedeatrician in England, teetotalers were looked at as dietetic cranks and sometimes rejected by medical examiners for life assurance on the grounds that they were taking risks in abstaining from what was considered to be an essential food.(I should show this to my medical aid company) In the 1950's and 1960's in the UK a number of now famous advertisements on beer and its health benefits were seen. The classic "Guinness is good for you" and by golly, it does you good", are examples of this. However, from the 1970's onwards, many foods and beverages became associated with health concerns. (And so began the dark ages)
There were new concerns about chronic diseases, especially cancer. Analytical techniques were developed to detect trace amounts of substances present in food that could be harmful. As these techniques became more sensitive, the levels of compounds that could be detected became lower and lower. What was classed as zero 2 or 3 years ago was now quoted in micrograms, nanograms or even femtograms. Now, of course, consumers expect foods to be totally "risk free". Legislators respond to this by adopting the "precautionary principle" and demand levels of certain substances to be declared. As lower levels of detection become available, the more so-called "hazardous" chemicals are found in food. This can de described as the "analytical paradox". Consequently more and more "food scares" have been reported in the media. The combined effect of all this work is to focus on the health negatives rather than the health positives of food and beverages.
So, arguably, for 99.5% of beer's history is was seen as a nutritious, wholesome product that was an integral part of family life and culture. Only in the last 30 years or so were these values largely overlooked. Interestingly, in the 1990's the general perception was that 'you are what you eat'. In other words, the predominant cause of illness was diet with genetics playing a small part. As we moved into 2000's that perception changed with genetics being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with diet being relegated to a much lower percentage. More and more evidence is again accumulating on health benefits of moderate beer consumption.
What was originally called the "wine paradox" has been widely shown to be due to alcohol. Alcohol can protect against heart disease in number of ways:
It can inhibit atheroschlerosis by increasing levels of apolipoprotein A-1 and by increasing levels of high density lipoprotein (HDLP).
Thrombosis (clotting) can be inhibited through lowering of fibrinogen, lowering platelet aggregation and increasing the break-up of clots.
There is a general reduction of stress and coronary arteries are dilated.
There have been many clinical studies worldwide carried out in the last 5 years that support the above observations. Recently (December 1999), Rimm et al (Harvard School of Public Health) in the British Medical Journal published an overview of coronary heart disease research that took a statistical review of clinical studies worldwide. This research showed that 30g of alcohol/day (approx. 2½ beers) increased HDLP on average by 8,3% and Apolopoprotein A1 by 6,5%. He estimated a 25% reduction in the risk of coronary heart disease as a result of this alcohol intake over the control groups of abstainers. Beer of course is ideal for moderate alcohol consumption because of its relatively high water content and low alcohol levels. (???????????)
During the malting process, whereby barley is germinated and kilned under controlled conditions, a number of important nutrients are formed. For example, the folate (a vitamin) content of malt increases sixfold. Sprouted cereals have long been seen as a nutrients food so it is not suprising that much of their goddness is carried through into the beer itself.
Very recently a number of hop compounds have been shown to exhibit anti-cancer as well as anti-cancer as well as antioxidant properties. Preliminary studies have also indicated that hop compounds may be important in preventing osteporosis, ulcer formation, cardiovascular disease and may even protect against liver disease. There is also a growing body of evidence that phytoestrogens derived from hops in beer are beneficial to health for both men and women.
All this evidence is really telling us what has been known for the best part of the last 6000 years: that beer, in moderation, is a wholesome and nutritious drink. This idea of beer as a 'nutraceutical' - a pleasant form of acquiring some essential nutrients can build on this foundation and re-position beer as THE alcohol drink of moderation. If you can live longer and healthier by savouring this 'golden nectar', what an added bonus! (Now all I have to do is convince my boss to remove that water dispenser thingy and put a Keg)
Now that just confirms what I have known my whole life ... watch this space for the new green bottle. I am trying to get SAB to sponser me with their first batch of the green hansa so we can make an unbiased report with the whole gang.
Otherwise on a personal level I dont understand most of the words used up there but it sounds scientific enough to be true.
Later
PS-All the parts written in red are mine. The rest you can find on the SAB website.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Awe...
Weekend update in brief
• 10 people can fit into a Toyota Tazz
• What goes around comes around
• You cant party when you are sober
• I still cant believe she is only 16
Ok I better elaborate on the last one before I get arrested for statutory rape. I met this girl who came over to our usual hangout spot with her cousin, we got to talking and then suddenly the age issue comes up and then she told me she was 16. Now the only thing 16 about her was the reaction she invoked in the guys present, I am talking a 16cm hard on if you are normal, 16inch if you’re a donkey and 16mm if you are female … yeah she turned some females on as well.
Agony uncle, the thought has crossed my mind and I was wondering how I would respond to those that came to me looking for help. I could make a fortune out of peoples problems seeing as women only see me as a shoulder to cry on. Ok ladies you have my heart now if you don’t mind my body is willing to negotiate a swap.
I am a little tied up for the meantime but I will try to update when I get the chance. Walked into the office today after a long break and guess whose at reception, MY EX. Watch this space.
Later
PS If you have a problem, or just suffer from a disorder that makes you create non-existent problems or if you are a problem yourself and you think things are so bad they cant get any worse … holler at me and I will prove you wrong, I will make them worse.
• 10 people can fit into a Toyota Tazz
• What goes around comes around
• You cant party when you are sober
• I still cant believe she is only 16
Ok I better elaborate on the last one before I get arrested for statutory rape. I met this girl who came over to our usual hangout spot with her cousin, we got to talking and then suddenly the age issue comes up and then she told me she was 16. Now the only thing 16 about her was the reaction she invoked in the guys present, I am talking a 16cm hard on if you are normal, 16inch if you’re a donkey and 16mm if you are female … yeah she turned some females on as well.
Agony uncle, the thought has crossed my mind and I was wondering how I would respond to those that came to me looking for help. I could make a fortune out of peoples problems seeing as women only see me as a shoulder to cry on. Ok ladies you have my heart now if you don’t mind my body is willing to negotiate a swap.
I am a little tied up for the meantime but I will try to update when I get the chance. Walked into the office today after a long break and guess whose at reception, MY EX. Watch this space.
Later
PS If you have a problem, or just suffer from a disorder that makes you create non-existent problems or if you are a problem yourself and you think things are so bad they cant get any worse … holler at me and I will prove you wrong, I will make them worse.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
And then there was jozi
Friday decided to go to jozi on a whim just to go see the girlfriend who dumped me via sms, came back on Sunday because I was broke but managed to get myself undumped in the process. While I was there I remembered the reason I left Yeoville in the first place (from my previous blog) and I realised that running from a place doesnt erase the past.
The rain may wash away the blood stains but the pain will still remain, forever forged in my brain. This blame I inflict on myself keeps piling up like books on a shelf and when I close my eyes all I can see are these looks for help. The tears in their eyes are like acid to my my mind dissolving all sense. My present feels like past tense, moving foward in motions but my emotions are trapped back in that time and these thoughts keep replaying in my mind like a bad rhyme.
So anyway Monday Sasco had a birthday at X's place and I was drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks (exercising the liver, the green bottles arent much of a challenge these days) and well it was interesting. Didnt pass out and wake up with a naked chic like the last time ... ahhhh,the good old days.
Anyway as you can see from the random senseless writing my mind isnt exactly here, I am writing exams soon and I am still thinking about how I should study.
The rain may wash away the blood stains but the pain will still remain, forever forged in my brain. This blame I inflict on myself keeps piling up like books on a shelf and when I close my eyes all I can see are these looks for help. The tears in their eyes are like acid to my my mind dissolving all sense. My present feels like past tense, moving foward in motions but my emotions are trapped back in that time and these thoughts keep replaying in my mind like a bad rhyme.
So anyway Monday Sasco had a birthday at X's place and I was drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks (exercising the liver, the green bottles arent much of a challenge these days) and well it was interesting. Didnt pass out and wake up with a naked chic like the last time ... ahhhh,the good old days.
Anyway as you can see from the random senseless writing my mind isnt exactly here, I am writing exams soon and I am still thinking about how I should study.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Writers block
I remember watching the movie Shakespear and someone in it said something about writers block being Gods way of telling you that you were not meant to write. In my case its my brains way of telling me I need a drink. The past weekend we were so broke we found ourselves looking for coins under the couch cushions so we could buy ourselves booze. It was so silent you could hear an ant fart, for the simple reason that we were all sober. Luckily we managed to find a party and people became their horny talkative selves again, well the Diva was hornier than most and I dont blame her all things being considered .... oh by the way,'I told you so'.
As I am writing this Native Squad is doing their comeback single in the studio, I will be doing a documentary on them in the near future.
Ok I just have to mention this, DJ Stax you rock. Watch out for this boy.
Later
As I am writing this Native Squad is doing their comeback single in the studio, I will be doing a documentary on them in the near future.
Ok I just have to mention this, DJ Stax you rock. Watch out for this boy.
Later
Friday, April 20, 2007
Dumped
Ok so what do I find funny about being dumped, an sms can you imagine …. Technology!!! I always enjoy being dumped irregardless of the method but that was just classic. The thing is women go out of their way to come up with excuses to dump a guy ‘properly’ you can’t help but laugh sometimes. OK call me a heartless prick but you have to admit it is kind of funny to listen to someone trying to break your heart without breaking your heart. So usually there is a set of common excuses, ‘its not you its me’ ‘I am pregnant and you a) aren’t the father (if u will accept responsibility); b) are the father (if u wont)’ ‘I am becoming a nun’ ‘I am becoming a lesbian’. Then there are the creative ones who get abducted by aliens or fake their own deaths. So my question is this what is the most absurd excuse a girl has ever given to dump you. Ladies you can contribute too, I know I have used some really stupid reasons in my lifetime.
hopeless romantic
Anyway I was asked if I was a romantic, by someone. Lets see, I once spent an entire afternoon looking for a ring which had got lost the previous day during a drinking binge because it held sentimental value to the girl who lost it, I found it in different pieces. I would call everyday, so she could tell me all about her day and when she felt low I would try to lift her spirit, during late nights when she was feeling insomniac I would keep her company over the phone much to the detriment of my phone bill, there was a time I would have gladly killed any guy who so much as hurt her, I once declined taking a trip to Durban just because she couldn’t be joining us and I didn’t want her to feel left out. I am one of the few guys who hasn’t taken advantage of her insecurity and I have tried to show her unconditional love. I have never questioned her ambitions for I believe in her. I have been ridiculed for her and by her and she has the nerve to ask if I am a romantic?
So there is a new member to the unusual gang of horny drunkard’s i.e. my friends. Stay tuned for more.

The newspaper is launched, well almost. There was a 16 page pre-launch issue and it is now available on newsstands around MP, so support your fellow B.E.E’s its only R1.50. I will be running a competition soon enough so keep yourself logged on to this blog.
So there is a new member to the unusual gang of horny drunkard’s i.e. my friends. Stay tuned for more.
The newspaper is launched, well almost. There was a 16 page pre-launch issue and it is now available on newsstands around MP, so support your fellow B.E.E’s its only R1.50. I will be running a competition soon enough so keep yourself logged on to this blog.
I missed me too
I had no internet connection for a while just managed to resolve things today. Anyway I wasn't demon slaying this time but I did try to kill the easter bunny. That there is one perverted bunny, even I date within the same species. The Diva is scary nowadays ... she seriously nedds to get laid before she pummels one of us to death.
So we all know the saying you are what you eat, seeing as I drink more than I eat I then have to be what I drink. So here is the thing, think of your favourite beverage be it coffee, tim-jan or ubhejane. Write down what exactly turns on your taste buds about it in my comments page and that my dear reader is what you think about sex.
I got dumped via sms last night, I laughed myself to sleep. Its not as if that is the first time it has happened to me but you know one of those jokes that just do it for you no matter how many times you hear them. Anyway I am at my workplace and my boss seems to think that means I should be actually working ... so later
PS- to contribute to the 'Buy the Diva a Dildo'foundation call me the number is +27822285619
So we all know the saying you are what you eat, seeing as I drink more than I eat I then have to be what I drink. So here is the thing, think of your favourite beverage be it coffee, tim-jan or ubhejane. Write down what exactly turns on your taste buds about it in my comments page and that my dear reader is what you think about sex.
I got dumped via sms last night, I laughed myself to sleep. Its not as if that is the first time it has happened to me but you know one of those jokes that just do it for you no matter how many times you hear them. Anyway I am at my workplace and my boss seems to think that means I should be actually working ... so later
PS- to contribute to the 'Buy the Diva a Dildo'foundation call me the number is +27822285619
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
one two testing
I have been having trouble posting I was begining to wonder if they sensor this.
Okay so I survived this weekend and just barely between sex starved girlfriends ( who obviously use electric vibrators in my absence and not battery operated ones which occasionally run out; seeing as they just didn’t want to stop, I cant imagine their electricity bills) and late night shows on BCR I was just willing to throw in the towel and call it quits but then I thought of all those people who just love to hate me and that made me reach deep down in the depths of my soul for inspiration, and when I couldn’t find anything (I found the inspiration, just not my soul...don’t know where the damn thing is) I reached further within my diminishing bank balance to buy a couple of beers and well here I am.
Well I don’t have to tell you the diva was tired and this time not from partying and fucking, she was working....for a change. Anyway come Sunday and we meet at the usual place, my other friend had lost her voice which was a blessing in disguise....trust me, she hasn’t lost her dangerous right hook though so I shall refrain from dwelling on the subject longer. Anyway after a couple of drinks the Diva and Kalki decide to take a dip in the pool and I didn’t join them for fear of penile shrinkage, the water was cold and I have a reputation to uphold. One thing I have to mention about the two is that their breasts need no introduction. After the dip they came out in their wet T-shirts looking like some foul named chick in a James Bond movie except that they were shivering and then I saw the highlight of my weekend, their nipples. I swear those things were so hard and erect I was actually tempted to try and balance the beer bottle I was drinking from on them.
Okay so I survived this weekend and just barely between sex starved girlfriends ( who obviously use electric vibrators in my absence and not battery operated ones which occasionally run out; seeing as they just didn’t want to stop, I cant imagine their electricity bills) and late night shows on BCR I was just willing to throw in the towel and call it quits but then I thought of all those people who just love to hate me and that made me reach deep down in the depths of my soul for inspiration, and when I couldn’t find anything (I found the inspiration, just not my soul...don’t know where the damn thing is) I reached further within my diminishing bank balance to buy a couple of beers and well here I am.
Well I don’t have to tell you the diva was tired and this time not from partying and fucking, she was working....for a change. Anyway come Sunday and we meet at the usual place, my other friend had lost her voice which was a blessing in disguise....trust me, she hasn’t lost her dangerous right hook though so I shall refrain from dwelling on the subject longer. Anyway after a couple of drinks the Diva and Kalki decide to take a dip in the pool and I didn’t join them for fear of penile shrinkage, the water was cold and I have a reputation to uphold. One thing I have to mention about the two is that their breasts need no introduction. After the dip they came out in their wet T-shirts looking like some foul named chick in a James Bond movie except that they were shivering and then I saw the highlight of my weekend, their nipples. I swear those things were so hard and erect I was actually tempted to try and balance the beer bottle I was drinking from on them.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Its Friday
Sorry to point out the obvious but I never understood the importance of this day until I started working. Talking about pointing out the obvious had an interesting chat with the Diva over a couple of drinks (I should look into getting sponsorship from SAB) about those silly questions we ask. You know what I am talking about ... for instance when you walk in on your bestfriend rubbing your girlfriends clitoris as if he is trying to start a fire and you ask 'what are you doing?', you can see what he is doing but you insist on asking anyway. Or calling the woman you are stalking in the middle of the night and when they answer you ask them,'Are you awake?'... dah! Or telling a girl you want her and she asks you what it is you want exactly? Sex obviously and then when she kicks you in the balls for being so obvious she asks you if it hurt, as if you would be clutching your balls with your face twisted in agony because it didn't. Like me asking if you are reading this blog, now that is plain stupid.
Kasie Kulture promised to visit this weekend, lets just hope he drinks .... a lot.
Diva I have nothing against women, after all they are the better sex, they are better at lying, using, cheating e.t.c. I just think you guys acting all innocent as if you are victims is a little overplayed. If you can get away with calling us dogs and categorizing us into this one stereotype, then we guys have the right to do the same. Just think of me as a male rights activist.
Later
Kasie Kulture promised to visit this weekend, lets just hope he drinks .... a lot.
Diva I have nothing against women, after all they are the better sex, they are better at lying, using, cheating e.t.c. I just think you guys acting all innocent as if you are victims is a little overplayed. If you can get away with calling us dogs and categorizing us into this one stereotype, then we guys have the right to do the same. Just think of me as a male rights activist.
Later
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I will be on Radio
Kliff invited me to his show...finally..he will be on air from 2am on Wednesday and unfortunately I wont be allowed to talk much but I will play the mega mix. Remember its 104.1 FM BCR. I typed the last part slowly to make sure you got it.
Equal rights
So to prove that my mind has a broader scope to the things in life I decided to tackle the hypocrisy of equal rights. Think about it we all know women can do anything men do, even peeing while standing upright (saw that in a porn movie). My question is this ... in their pursuit to be recognized as equals aren't they defeating their own cause by forming feminine associations aimed at countering the existing male dominated ones?Notice I said male dominated ... they aren't exclusive to males though. Why do they feel the need to add a 'W' in front of all existing associations like the NBA for instance, now you have the WNBA. It is not as if the NBA doesn't really allow women to play e.g Dennis Rodman, it is just that men have been the dominant players. If female basketball players really wanted to be recognized as equals they would penetrate the NBA and prove beyond doubt that they are as good. Instead they go out there and form their own league which discriminates against men...Women's National Basketball Association.
This applies to a lot of sectors even here locally, you hear of Women's Law Association, Women's this and that, the list is endless but my knowledge has its limits. Let men do the same thing and they are accused of discrimination. So if you think about it women have more rights than males in more ways than one, so where is the equality in giving someone favour? Yes and this applies to BEE and affirmative action as well, once a person is given favour based on the colour of their skin instead of the merit of their abilities isnt that discrimination. It is simply turning the tables of apartheid, only difference is the level of violence..and yes I am black.
This applies to a lot of sectors even here locally, you hear of Women's Law Association, Women's this and that, the list is endless but my knowledge has its limits. Let men do the same thing and they are accused of discrimination. So if you think about it women have more rights than males in more ways than one, so where is the equality in giving someone favour? Yes and this applies to BEE and affirmative action as well, once a person is given favour based on the colour of their skin instead of the merit of their abilities isnt that discrimination. It is simply turning the tables of apartheid, only difference is the level of violence..and yes I am black.
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