Merry Christmas

Well it has been an interesting year and all I can say is I have met some people who have convinced me that the mind is indeed a cradle of filth. All in all an enlightening year. Merry Christmas to all the bloggers and blogger lovers especially the ones featured on the web links by the side panel. May you guys continue having drama in your lives so you can entertain the 'normal' people and me. Love you guys and dont worry about me going to Venda for a year to further my studies, I am sure the University of Venda has internet facilities ..... I hope. So until the next time Kwaki is your uncle, so bring on the problems.

Vanity ....

Ok this I just had to say, I saw a BMW X5 one of the newer models with a personalised number plate written "WEALTHY MP", but do you have to state the obvious, I mean sure you are wealthy .... dah.

On another tip have you noticed these T-shirts worn by women nowadays which have all sorts of pick up lines on them. Talk about branding, but I am not complaining I mean after all it makes the job easier for us men when we break the ice. I am thinking of getting myself one as well .... any guesses as to what it will say????? Will post the pic of me wearing it anytime soon, so ladies you better recognize.

My Imaginary interview with Bertha

I happened to be with Bertha of the Big Brother Africa 2 fad, and although I have never watched an episode of the 'reality' series I asked around and from my minor inquisition, I imagined an interview with her, bear in mind I never studied journalism.





Kwaki - So how has life been since BBA





Bertha - Profitable





Kwaki - How so?





Bertha - I get paid huge amounts of cash to just make an appearence, and pretend to motivate people. I mean most of the time they dont listen to me they are just starring and imagining its shower hour.





Kwaki - Considering todays function was intended for the youth, do you consider your stay in the BBA house as inspirational to the youth especially the women?





Bertha - If you ignore the fact that I was a lying, man stealing, back stabbing, conniving bitch who was kicked out before the finals then my answer would have to be yes, because despite all that I now own a succesful PR company in Zim, and am being invited the whole continent over to share my experiences in the house.

Kwaki - How did it feel being deprived of your privacy, from what I hear you seemed to be the most comfortable with the situation?

Bertha - I am from Zim ..... go figure.

Kwaki - So I presume you never felt homesick in that regard... just joking

Why I would rather be a player

Apart from yodemos emotional breakdown there are more meaningful reasons why I would rather not tie myself down to one woman, the best reason being trust. Let us face it, how many of us have met someone and started a sexual relationship using condoms for a few months and then without an aids test somewhere after the three month barrier conveniently forgot to use them ..... out of trust. Trust is a luxury I cannot afford. I would rather sleep with a different woman daily and use protection all the time than trust one woman whose hobbies might include the occasional miscellaneous celebrity dick, I know because I have been that dick on more than a few occasions. So people love but dont trust, because whatever you are capable of doing your better half is capable of worse.

Your uncle

Kwaki

Invitation to all producers

I-Media will be launching its own TV station on the 1st of December, the station will be broadcast on the DSTV public bouqet .... will give further details as soon as they are available. We are offering independant broadcasters and production studios the chance to showcase their talent, send us your quality broadcast material via courier to Mpumalanga Broadcasting Television, 15 Paul Kruger Street, Suite 307 Belmont Villas, Nelspruit 1200, South Africa. Accepted formats are DVD-Pal and Mini DV Cam. Send Music Videos, Documentaries, Short stories, Movies e.t.c but make sure its broadcast quality.....

Blog Story

This is an open invite to all bloggers for us to create a novel, each blogger is allowed at most 500 words to continue the story from where the last blogger left off. Characters in the story should be from Blogland no matter where they are .... the story has no particular theme, it can be a comedy, thriller, horror, soapie etc, all you do is continue the story in the comments page and every day I will copy it and paste your continuation to the main page so who will start???

AfroSLiQ Diva said...
Once upon a time in a little town called Nelspruit lived a cute girl that had passion for any beverage with an alcohol %. Most people thought she was weird and a hell lot of women felt uncomfortable everytime she spoke to their "men" - that still remains a mystery till today. but one day she met a girl called J and P, things were just fine till they all met some guys called K and L..... From that day things were surely never gonna be the same.............................

Kwaki said ...
It was not long before the charming L also known as Kwaki had wormed his way into the lives of Afrosliq, J aka Blaque and P aka Khauki. Unknowingly trusting Kwaki the three ladies and even his accomplice K aka Kliffoday had no idea he was actually an undercover NIA agent posing as a foreigner. His mission was to uncover a syndicate of ruthless heartbreakers and bring them to justice. The NIA had long suspected Afrosliq or 'The Diva' as she was known in high circles and her friends but could not prove it as all agents who had been sent before Kwaki had gotten themselves too emotionally involved with the suspects, with good reason to fall in love for they were so deceitfully innocent and loveable.

AfroSLiQ Diva said...
And then just when they had thought that isht couldn't get worse, a series of eerie sitchs started happening........On Hunters Street other isht was going down. Afroliq found herself in a sitch where she was forced to play a mother role to a 22year old female who is horny 24/7 with a very bad drinking habit, add to that a boyfriend that thinks he can control who comes to AFROSLIQ'S house - when he doesn't pay the rent there???? Imagine, how pissed off SLiQ must have been, boyfriend comes with dog that was fed SLIQ'S food from her frige!!! Now that was just pushing it.SLIQ had to act fast before isht got out of hand... so she started behaving like a nasty witch, it made certain people feel very uncomfortable each time they though of doing something she disliked @ her house.......

Does beer talk?

Ever wondered why is it when people drink .... they seem to have infinite wisdom, and then you ask yourself if it is the beer talking, or maybe the beer just happens to tap into their rather unused archives of thought that they would usually ignore which contain brave ideas and opinions. Makes you wonder whether genius is simply a perpetual high? I dont know but the comments page is there for a reason, use it ...... preferably when you are high.

Life

Ever had one of those weeks where death seems like the best way out, Tuesday was hell in more ways than one but somethings are too sacred 4 the internet. To my sister Constance I know I cant be with you right now but I am with you in spirit and prayer.

Later

Kasiexpress

Well my birthday party was happening (apparantly) I wasnt there for most of the time but Blu-Peach held it down, big up 2 Stax and Josh for allowing me to be part of their event. They will be having another deep house session this weekend and tune into BCR for the details. Kasiekulture I read your comment on the Divas blog, all I have to say is thank God those labourous drives to Baberton are finally paying out.

Well the movement is still on and people from Jozi are begining to notice, met Forbes (Mega's manager) over the weekend and he was overwhelmed by the collection of talent so far.

'Please lord may the next caller be female'

Other wise I will be back on a more Kwaki tip, just got an e-mail from my brother which just cleaned all the perversions I may have. Hey man you know I am here for you.

Manly sports???

So the rugby world cup is about to start, or has it started already. If you haven’t guessed by now I am not really that much into sports and because of that most people think I am a gay trapped in the closet. I can’t for the love of women understand the basis of their reasoning but apparently according to them I am not much of a man, I on the other hand think they are the ones so way up in the closet they don’t realize it. What kind of man enjoys watching other guys groping each other’s balls during scrums and what not? Personally I think contact sports are just an opportunity for men to touch other men while still sublimating their homoerotic. Hey, but that’s just me what do I know.

Do you know why women always accuse men of having dirty minds? It’s because they change their minds so often, I mean cant you just make up your mind woman … but let me not make my stress yours. Although you can feel free to make your stress mine after all, Kwaki’s your uncle.

My Prophecy

Don't you just love the benefit of hindsight, fortunately that's the prophecy most of us are born with and then we feel jealous of all those clairvoyant prophets in the bible and their curse of foresight. It's a curse when you can already see the direction in which your life is heading, when you already know about a doomed relationship before you allow yourself to be consumed by it, when you put on a change of underwear because you know you are going to have an accident to avoid an embarrassing situation with the nurse you will ultimately have a crush on during your recovery at the hospital, knowing your life wont amount to anything in advance before you can put in the effort that might change that sad reality ......

I think I'm drunk

Taste of my vomit

Goodenough Mashego's second offering 'Taste of my vomit' raises the bar tis illmatic* in text .... wait those are his words not mine, talk of an ego but unfortunately its true. Despite its rather revolting title it is rather addictive ( which I guess would explain the green bottle on the cover). There are four chapters taking you through the hate he habours within, the different kinds of love he feels, his journeys and the temptations he faced ... (I still cant imagine how he remained celibate in P.E .... buy the book to see what I mean). Then there are the women in his life (and I thought I used to be a player) for a guy who wishes an AIDS related death to all the women he ever dated there is an element of sentimental conflict within some of the pieces which have a hint of nostalgia. The last chapter simply titled R.I.P made me wonder if it was a good idea to be on a friendly basis with this guy considering the number of friends he has buried, I'm sure he has poured more pints 'for the homies' than he has drank himself which would explain 'Shatale', the poem based on his hometown. The reason there are so many thugs is probably because of all that liquor seeping into the underground water resevoirs which feed the Dam they get their water from ... so in a sense everyone there is intoxicated, at least he is coz there is no way a man of sober habbits could write shit this good.

Remember Kwaki's your uncle.

I dont really have a title for this post

There are two ways to win a woman over, either she loves you or you pester her until she gives in. In political circles the same applies, and since no one really loves politicians they use the only weapon available to them, long speeches. Its like those guys actually compete to see who can bore the audience to submission with the longest possible speech. Luckily last weekend the experience was made bearable by the presence of Kasiekulture. Now I know most of you consider me to be flirting with insanity but some people need to have their brains soaked in Vanish Power O2 and scrubbed with heavy duty wire mash. No disrspect there but this guy can take a topic I wrote in one paragraph and stretch it to match Madala Masukus speech without losing your interest. I only pray that one day my level of creative insanity will be that high. Nice meeting you man.

All that aside on the 23 of September it will be my birthday, and although I know most women loathe the day I was born please make an effort to try making me enjoy it. The least you could do is give me head, hey what can I say I love having my cake and eating it. Next week my girlfriend will be coming from joburg and in preparation I wont wank for a week, I plan to come in torrents of froth enough to make an ice-cream machine feel inferior.

All that aside enjoy yo weekend and remember, Kwaki's your uncle.

Trash Magnet

Dear Kwaki

Why is it that I seem to attract only dogs in the men I go out with. Are there any good guys out there?

Worried

Dear worried

The only reason you seem to attract dogs is because you are a bitch (which is the female equivalent of a dog). Other than that the probability is that you do attract good guys but like every other clueless female out there you assume that good guys are boring and you end up considering them as just friends, ladies let me let you in on a secret ... if you want to really hurt a guys feelings tell him you are just friends, that is worse punishement than sticking his dick in a grinder. So stop complaining and open your eyes to the fact that you do have good guys in your life but by the time you appreciate them you will be a washed up old hag who no one wants not even them.

Kwaki

Le Movemento Nelspruit

So our local Hip-Hoppers have been working on something and fortunately for me I got the freebies courtesy of M-zee. Accompaning the CD featuring some great talent is a VCD of which personally I was stunned by Wax Lyricals Video, too bad he has moved to Petoria.

Support the movement, enough talking people lets act.

some places I love

Well my job takes me around and i get to take sum beautiful pics, what can I say occasionaly my artistic side does make a brief appearence. Todays favourite is the Agriculture College in Nelspruit.

Have you ever googled your name?

Well I did it today out of curiousity and got very favourable results even for my alter ego Kwaki, but I cant say the same about my xxx - rated alter ego .... Damn didnt know one dick could cause such chaos. In case you dont know my xxx--rated site its http..... sorry have to go.

Later

PS Blaque has been busy on her blog there are even pics of the diamond now.

Cheating???

Dear Kwaki

I suspect my husband is cheating on me, recently when I was going through his pockets to do his laundry I found some condoms. We do not use them ourselves so I have my doubts about his faithfulness. Should I confront him about my doubts?

Anonymous

Dear anonymous

Doubts???? Lady you don’t have doubts you have got proof unless you want to live in voluntary ignorance, of course there could be lots of rational reasons why you found the condoms in his pockets, they might belong to a friend of his who is cheating on his wife who gave them to him to avoid the same predicament your stupid husband is facing or he could have thought they were balloons since you say you guys don’t use them (in defence to that as a kid I my sisters told me condoms were balloons which would explain all my nieces and nephews). Probably he is cheating on you but then look at the bright side … at least he loves you enough to use condoms with the other woman/women so I would suggest you don’t confront him otherwise he might stop using the condoms all together.

Kwaki

No more Mr Nice guy

Thats all I can say for now.

Dear Uncle

Dear Kwaki

My life is at an all time low, it seems like Gods plan is against me. I seem to fail in everything I pursue. I have tried taking my life many times but that has only landed me in hospital with brutal injuries or getting my stomach pumped, what should I do.

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous aka Loser

Gods plan is not against you, the thing is you are probably female and whenever you tell God you want something he naturally assumes you mean the opposite. You would be better off praying for poverty and failure, he just might grant you the opposite. Anyway if all fails there is always the thought of someone worse off than you, I find watching the news particularly heart warming there is always bad things happening to other people and sometimes there is the occasional graphic murder and some really gut wrenching pics of abnormal stuff in life. So be glad you are not them unless you were serious about the suicide thing in which case you really are a failure, you cant even get your own sucide right.

Kwaki