Ok so no sooner had I decided to be faithful I got dumped (again) by sms (again) by... yes you guessed it the same chick. It seems to be her thing so I decided to check myself into therapy...self therapy that is. After all I am an agony uncle (although the only psychology I studied was Industrial Psychology 101). So let me be my first patient
Dear Kwaki
I do not know what it is about me but I feel that whenever my intentions are good with a woman she loses interest in me but when they are not I have to use a scapel to scrape them off my dick, is there something wrong with being nice to a woman? Please help!!!
Yours truly
Kwaki
Dear Kwaki (ok this is begining to sound reduntant)
First of all do you realize you are talking to yourself? That being said I have answered your question, of course there is something wrong with you, you bloody moron....stop using your emotions and start using your erections seeing as the latter seem to get you laid. Of course you are not to blame entirely, women are hypocrites they say one thing and do another. There is one fundamental secret to understanding the female species ..... never expect them to act rationally. That being said I know you still love Tru... I mean this anonymous woman you are talking about but ask yourself (which is what you are doing right now-this is getting confusing) is she worth it, I mean just because she is beautiful, has the voice of an angel, a freak in bed and you love her with all your heart (whats left of it anyway) and miss her with all your body .... damn man you messed up our lives, what the hell posessed you to let her go?
Ahhh well
Kwaki
So write to your uncle if you have any kind of problem.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
The 'F' word
I am trying out this thing they call being 'Faithful'and despite the beautiful women who occasionaly grace my presence I have made it a point not to indulge. Painful as it may sound it does have interesting results. Women cant stand not being chatted up, even if they dont want you they demand a sense of interest from you. Confusing, but what isnt as far as women are concerned.As 'my hate'said 'I dont even understand myself'.
Ok apparantly I have somewhat of a reputation as a pervert and a freak, even people from Pretoria and Joburg know this......Brand recognition at its best, if you are lost check out my archives under 'understanding marketing'
Of course in reality I am not a pervert just because I am one woman short of reaching the 80 mark (Durex and Lovers plus owe me big time)and I have a porn collection that would make the devil blush(so does Hustler and Private) and have another X-rated blog which shows me as nature intended doesnt mean I am a pervert. Which reminds me the buy the Diva a Dildo campaign is still on .... this is serious people, she runs the risk of losing her fingerprints if she continues abusing her hand the way she is. So contact me and I will give you my bank details and to prove this isnt a scam every donation will be published on this blog.
Anyway later people.
Ok apparantly I have somewhat of a reputation as a pervert and a freak, even people from Pretoria and Joburg know this......Brand recognition at its best, if you are lost check out my archives under 'understanding marketing'
Of course in reality I am not a pervert just because I am one woman short of reaching the 80 mark (Durex and Lovers plus owe me big time)and I have a porn collection that would make the devil blush(so does Hustler and Private) and have another X-rated blog which shows me as nature intended doesnt mean I am a pervert. Which reminds me the buy the Diva a Dildo campaign is still on .... this is serious people, she runs the risk of losing her fingerprints if she continues abusing her hand the way she is. So contact me and I will give you my bank details and to prove this isnt a scam every donation will be published on this blog.
Anyway later people.
Beer is healthy and I have the proof
I visited the SAB website to find out about the new green bottle, HANSA MARZEN GOLD. They havent updated on it yet but while I was there I stumbled on some interesting facts about drinking.
BEER & HEALTH
What's in our beer?
On average, it takes seven weeks, from barley to beer, to produce a bottle of our standard lager (such as Castle). As the brewing process is a natural one, and cannot be speeded up, this is comparable to other international brands that share a similar climate to South Africa.
Beer contains no fat or cholesterol.
Our beers contain only malted barley, water, hops and maize or rice (Miller Genuine Draft). Yeast transforms the sugars to alcohol, but is not an ingredient as such.
There are no preservatives or additives in any of our beers.
Beer is beneficial in combating heart disease(you hardly ever fall in love when youre drunk), osteoporosis, stomach ulcers, Alzheimer's (how come you hardly remember the previous night) and helps reduce the formation kidney stones.
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (could you say that again)
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (I didnt mean that literally)
Beer - the forgotten nutraceutical? (nutrawhat???)
Barry Axcell - SABMiller Group Chief Brewer
The beginnings of brewing are lost in the mists of time. Inscriptions on ancient Sumerian tablets show that beer was that beer was brewed at least 6000 years ago and drunk by the rich through straws of gold or lapis lazuli.(The last time I saw someone drinking from a straw it was because his lips were too swollen from a fight the previous day ... now that is classic) Its origin, however, may be much more ancient and even go back tot he so-called "dawning of civilization" when men moved from a nomadic existence to one of agriculture some 10 000 years ago. Quite possibly the catalyst in this change of lifestyle may have been the realisation that growing barley could generate the raw materials to produce the "humble pint". The is difficult to separate baking and brewing in the distant past as they were intimately linked and in number of languages the word for "bread" and "brewed" are in fact the same.
Whatever the origins, beer has played an important part in human history. In ancient Egypt, King Rameses III was said to have sacrificed half million jugs of beer to the Gods.(I wonder if they had AA meetings in the heavens) An old Egyptian slogan states that "the mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer". By the Middle Ages, beer was seen as very important tot he medieval family and certainly a lost safer to drink than water.(Especially the water from Harare in Zim .... they chew their water) The wife was usually responsible for both brewing and baking.(sigh ... they dont make them like they used to) During this time many monasteries became involved in the production of beer which gave beer a seal of "holy approval".(as I said they dont make them like they used to) The daily allowance of beer at court in Tudor times was around 9 litres! The artist William Hogarth, painted two pictures in 1735 depicting the virtues of beer over gin. The one painting, called "Gin Lane", describes a scene of drunkenness and social chaos whereas the other "Beer Street" depicts respectability and the flourishing of the arts and literature. During the 1800's beer was seen as essential for health and according to Dr Charles Macalister, a consultant paedeatrician in England, teetotalers were looked at as dietetic cranks and sometimes rejected by medical examiners for life assurance on the grounds that they were taking risks in abstaining from what was considered to be an essential food.(I should show this to my medical aid company) In the 1950's and 1960's in the UK a number of now famous advertisements on beer and its health benefits were seen. The classic "Guinness is good for you" and by golly, it does you good", are examples of this. However, from the 1970's onwards, many foods and beverages became associated with health concerns. (And so began the dark ages)
There were new concerns about chronic diseases, especially cancer. Analytical techniques were developed to detect trace amounts of substances present in food that could be harmful. As these techniques became more sensitive, the levels of compounds that could be detected became lower and lower. What was classed as zero 2 or 3 years ago was now quoted in micrograms, nanograms or even femtograms. Now, of course, consumers expect foods to be totally "risk free". Legislators respond to this by adopting the "precautionary principle" and demand levels of certain substances to be declared. As lower levels of detection become available, the more so-called "hazardous" chemicals are found in food. This can de described as the "analytical paradox". Consequently more and more "food scares" have been reported in the media. The combined effect of all this work is to focus on the health negatives rather than the health positives of food and beverages.
So, arguably, for 99.5% of beer's history is was seen as a nutritious, wholesome product that was an integral part of family life and culture. Only in the last 30 years or so were these values largely overlooked. Interestingly, in the 1990's the general perception was that 'you are what you eat'. In other words, the predominant cause of illness was diet with genetics playing a small part. As we moved into 2000's that perception changed with genetics being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with diet being relegated to a much lower percentage. More and more evidence is again accumulating on health benefits of moderate beer consumption.
What was originally called the "wine paradox" has been widely shown to be due to alcohol. Alcohol can protect against heart disease in number of ways:
It can inhibit atheroschlerosis by increasing levels of apolipoprotein A-1 and by increasing levels of high density lipoprotein (HDLP).
Thrombosis (clotting) can be inhibited through lowering of fibrinogen, lowering platelet aggregation and increasing the break-up of clots.
There is a general reduction of stress and coronary arteries are dilated.
There have been many clinical studies worldwide carried out in the last 5 years that support the above observations. Recently (December 1999), Rimm et al (Harvard School of Public Health) in the British Medical Journal published an overview of coronary heart disease research that took a statistical review of clinical studies worldwide. This research showed that 30g of alcohol/day (approx. 2½ beers) increased HDLP on average by 8,3% and Apolopoprotein A1 by 6,5%. He estimated a 25% reduction in the risk of coronary heart disease as a result of this alcohol intake over the control groups of abstainers. Beer of course is ideal for moderate alcohol consumption because of its relatively high water content and low alcohol levels. (???????????)
During the malting process, whereby barley is germinated and kilned under controlled conditions, a number of important nutrients are formed. For example, the folate (a vitamin) content of malt increases sixfold. Sprouted cereals have long been seen as a nutrients food so it is not suprising that much of their goddness is carried through into the beer itself.
Very recently a number of hop compounds have been shown to exhibit anti-cancer as well as anti-cancer as well as antioxidant properties. Preliminary studies have also indicated that hop compounds may be important in preventing osteporosis, ulcer formation, cardiovascular disease and may even protect against liver disease. There is also a growing body of evidence that phytoestrogens derived from hops in beer are beneficial to health for both men and women.
All this evidence is really telling us what has been known for the best part of the last 6000 years: that beer, in moderation, is a wholesome and nutritious drink. This idea of beer as a 'nutraceutical' - a pleasant form of acquiring some essential nutrients can build on this foundation and re-position beer as THE alcohol drink of moderation. If you can live longer and healthier by savouring this 'golden nectar', what an added bonus! (Now all I have to do is convince my boss to remove that water dispenser thingy and put a Keg)
Now that just confirms what I have known my whole life ... watch this space for the new green bottle. I am trying to get SAB to sponser me with their first batch of the green hansa so we can make an unbiased report with the whole gang.
Otherwise on a personal level I dont understand most of the words used up there but it sounds scientific enough to be true.
Later
PS-All the parts written in red are mine. The rest you can find on the SAB website.
BEER & HEALTH
What's in our beer?
On average, it takes seven weeks, from barley to beer, to produce a bottle of our standard lager (such as Castle). As the brewing process is a natural one, and cannot be speeded up, this is comparable to other international brands that share a similar climate to South Africa.
Beer contains no fat or cholesterol.
Our beers contain only malted barley, water, hops and maize or rice (Miller Genuine Draft). Yeast transforms the sugars to alcohol, but is not an ingredient as such.
There are no preservatives or additives in any of our beers.
Beer is beneficial in combating heart disease(you hardly ever fall in love when youre drunk), osteoporosis, stomach ulcers, Alzheimer's (how come you hardly remember the previous night) and helps reduce the formation kidney stones.
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (could you say that again)
An entire 340ml can of Castle Lite contains only 408kJ and the same unit of a regular strength brew, like Castle Lager, 465kJ. There are about 1 020kJ in 340ml of dry wine. Fifty grams of peanuts contain 1 230kJ (I didnt mean that literally)
Beer - the forgotten nutraceutical? (nutrawhat???)
Barry Axcell - SABMiller Group Chief Brewer
The beginnings of brewing are lost in the mists of time. Inscriptions on ancient Sumerian tablets show that beer was that beer was brewed at least 6000 years ago and drunk by the rich through straws of gold or lapis lazuli.(The last time I saw someone drinking from a straw it was because his lips were too swollen from a fight the previous day ... now that is classic) Its origin, however, may be much more ancient and even go back tot he so-called "dawning of civilization" when men moved from a nomadic existence to one of agriculture some 10 000 years ago. Quite possibly the catalyst in this change of lifestyle may have been the realisation that growing barley could generate the raw materials to produce the "humble pint". The is difficult to separate baking and brewing in the distant past as they were intimately linked and in number of languages the word for "bread" and "brewed" are in fact the same.
Whatever the origins, beer has played an important part in human history. In ancient Egypt, King Rameses III was said to have sacrificed half million jugs of beer to the Gods.(I wonder if they had AA meetings in the heavens) An old Egyptian slogan states that "the mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer". By the Middle Ages, beer was seen as very important tot he medieval family and certainly a lost safer to drink than water.(Especially the water from Harare in Zim .... they chew their water) The wife was usually responsible for both brewing and baking.(sigh ... they dont make them like they used to) During this time many monasteries became involved in the production of beer which gave beer a seal of "holy approval".(as I said they dont make them like they used to) The daily allowance of beer at court in Tudor times was around 9 litres! The artist William Hogarth, painted two pictures in 1735 depicting the virtues of beer over gin. The one painting, called "Gin Lane", describes a scene of drunkenness and social chaos whereas the other "Beer Street" depicts respectability and the flourishing of the arts and literature. During the 1800's beer was seen as essential for health and according to Dr Charles Macalister, a consultant paedeatrician in England, teetotalers were looked at as dietetic cranks and sometimes rejected by medical examiners for life assurance on the grounds that they were taking risks in abstaining from what was considered to be an essential food.(I should show this to my medical aid company) In the 1950's and 1960's in the UK a number of now famous advertisements on beer and its health benefits were seen. The classic "Guinness is good for you" and by golly, it does you good", are examples of this. However, from the 1970's onwards, many foods and beverages became associated with health concerns. (And so began the dark ages)
There were new concerns about chronic diseases, especially cancer. Analytical techniques were developed to detect trace amounts of substances present in food that could be harmful. As these techniques became more sensitive, the levels of compounds that could be detected became lower and lower. What was classed as zero 2 or 3 years ago was now quoted in micrograms, nanograms or even femtograms. Now, of course, consumers expect foods to be totally "risk free". Legislators respond to this by adopting the "precautionary principle" and demand levels of certain substances to be declared. As lower levels of detection become available, the more so-called "hazardous" chemicals are found in food. This can de described as the "analytical paradox". Consequently more and more "food scares" have been reported in the media. The combined effect of all this work is to focus on the health negatives rather than the health positives of food and beverages.
So, arguably, for 99.5% of beer's history is was seen as a nutritious, wholesome product that was an integral part of family life and culture. Only in the last 30 years or so were these values largely overlooked. Interestingly, in the 1990's the general perception was that 'you are what you eat'. In other words, the predominant cause of illness was diet with genetics playing a small part. As we moved into 2000's that perception changed with genetics being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with being seen more as the dominant player in causing illness with diet being relegated to a much lower percentage. More and more evidence is again accumulating on health benefits of moderate beer consumption.
What was originally called the "wine paradox" has been widely shown to be due to alcohol. Alcohol can protect against heart disease in number of ways:
It can inhibit atheroschlerosis by increasing levels of apolipoprotein A-1 and by increasing levels of high density lipoprotein (HDLP).
Thrombosis (clotting) can be inhibited through lowering of fibrinogen, lowering platelet aggregation and increasing the break-up of clots.
There is a general reduction of stress and coronary arteries are dilated.
There have been many clinical studies worldwide carried out in the last 5 years that support the above observations. Recently (December 1999), Rimm et al (Harvard School of Public Health) in the British Medical Journal published an overview of coronary heart disease research that took a statistical review of clinical studies worldwide. This research showed that 30g of alcohol/day (approx. 2½ beers) increased HDLP on average by 8,3% and Apolopoprotein A1 by 6,5%. He estimated a 25% reduction in the risk of coronary heart disease as a result of this alcohol intake over the control groups of abstainers. Beer of course is ideal for moderate alcohol consumption because of its relatively high water content and low alcohol levels. (???????????)
During the malting process, whereby barley is germinated and kilned under controlled conditions, a number of important nutrients are formed. For example, the folate (a vitamin) content of malt increases sixfold. Sprouted cereals have long been seen as a nutrients food so it is not suprising that much of their goddness is carried through into the beer itself.
Very recently a number of hop compounds have been shown to exhibit anti-cancer as well as anti-cancer as well as antioxidant properties. Preliminary studies have also indicated that hop compounds may be important in preventing osteporosis, ulcer formation, cardiovascular disease and may even protect against liver disease. There is also a growing body of evidence that phytoestrogens derived from hops in beer are beneficial to health for both men and women.
All this evidence is really telling us what has been known for the best part of the last 6000 years: that beer, in moderation, is a wholesome and nutritious drink. This idea of beer as a 'nutraceutical' - a pleasant form of acquiring some essential nutrients can build on this foundation and re-position beer as THE alcohol drink of moderation. If you can live longer and healthier by savouring this 'golden nectar', what an added bonus! (Now all I have to do is convince my boss to remove that water dispenser thingy and put a Keg)
Now that just confirms what I have known my whole life ... watch this space for the new green bottle. I am trying to get SAB to sponser me with their first batch of the green hansa so we can make an unbiased report with the whole gang.
Otherwise on a personal level I dont understand most of the words used up there but it sounds scientific enough to be true.
Later
PS-All the parts written in red are mine. The rest you can find on the SAB website.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Awe...
Weekend update in brief
• 10 people can fit into a Toyota Tazz
• What goes around comes around
• You cant party when you are sober
• I still cant believe she is only 16
Ok I better elaborate on the last one before I get arrested for statutory rape. I met this girl who came over to our usual hangout spot with her cousin, we got to talking and then suddenly the age issue comes up and then she told me she was 16. Now the only thing 16 about her was the reaction she invoked in the guys present, I am talking a 16cm hard on if you are normal, 16inch if you’re a donkey and 16mm if you are female … yeah she turned some females on as well.
Agony uncle, the thought has crossed my mind and I was wondering how I would respond to those that came to me looking for help. I could make a fortune out of peoples problems seeing as women only see me as a shoulder to cry on. Ok ladies you have my heart now if you don’t mind my body is willing to negotiate a swap.
I am a little tied up for the meantime but I will try to update when I get the chance. Walked into the office today after a long break and guess whose at reception, MY EX. Watch this space.
Later
PS If you have a problem, or just suffer from a disorder that makes you create non-existent problems or if you are a problem yourself and you think things are so bad they cant get any worse … holler at me and I will prove you wrong, I will make them worse.
• 10 people can fit into a Toyota Tazz
• What goes around comes around
• You cant party when you are sober
• I still cant believe she is only 16
Ok I better elaborate on the last one before I get arrested for statutory rape. I met this girl who came over to our usual hangout spot with her cousin, we got to talking and then suddenly the age issue comes up and then she told me she was 16. Now the only thing 16 about her was the reaction she invoked in the guys present, I am talking a 16cm hard on if you are normal, 16inch if you’re a donkey and 16mm if you are female … yeah she turned some females on as well.
Agony uncle, the thought has crossed my mind and I was wondering how I would respond to those that came to me looking for help. I could make a fortune out of peoples problems seeing as women only see me as a shoulder to cry on. Ok ladies you have my heart now if you don’t mind my body is willing to negotiate a swap.
I am a little tied up for the meantime but I will try to update when I get the chance. Walked into the office today after a long break and guess whose at reception, MY EX. Watch this space.
Later
PS If you have a problem, or just suffer from a disorder that makes you create non-existent problems or if you are a problem yourself and you think things are so bad they cant get any worse … holler at me and I will prove you wrong, I will make them worse.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
And then there was jozi
Friday decided to go to jozi on a whim just to go see the girlfriend who dumped me via sms, came back on Sunday because I was broke but managed to get myself undumped in the process. While I was there I remembered the reason I left Yeoville in the first place (from my previous blog) and I realised that running from a place doesnt erase the past.
The rain may wash away the blood stains but the pain will still remain, forever forged in my brain. This blame I inflict on myself keeps piling up like books on a shelf and when I close my eyes all I can see are these looks for help. The tears in their eyes are like acid to my my mind dissolving all sense. My present feels like past tense, moving foward in motions but my emotions are trapped back in that time and these thoughts keep replaying in my mind like a bad rhyme.
So anyway Monday Sasco had a birthday at X's place and I was drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks (exercising the liver, the green bottles arent much of a challenge these days) and well it was interesting. Didnt pass out and wake up with a naked chic like the last time ... ahhhh,the good old days.
Anyway as you can see from the random senseless writing my mind isnt exactly here, I am writing exams soon and I am still thinking about how I should study.
The rain may wash away the blood stains but the pain will still remain, forever forged in my brain. This blame I inflict on myself keeps piling up like books on a shelf and when I close my eyes all I can see are these looks for help. The tears in their eyes are like acid to my my mind dissolving all sense. My present feels like past tense, moving foward in motions but my emotions are trapped back in that time and these thoughts keep replaying in my mind like a bad rhyme.
So anyway Monday Sasco had a birthday at X's place and I was drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks (exercising the liver, the green bottles arent much of a challenge these days) and well it was interesting. Didnt pass out and wake up with a naked chic like the last time ... ahhhh,the good old days.
Anyway as you can see from the random senseless writing my mind isnt exactly here, I am writing exams soon and I am still thinking about how I should study.
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