Sunday, December 24, 2006

Homesick





Ok so its official I am home sick, met some guys from back home at the pool.Here are the pics.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Relationships...again

Out of a lack of creativity(I did warn you that this blog is repetitive) and a request by a dear friend I thought I should dig deeper into the relationship thingy. Considering I havent been in one for almost three years perhaps I am not the foremost expert in the field but just like anything in life "those who talk about it the most do it the least". Anyway sorry for the late post but I had to consult my muse a.k.a Mad magazine (so much for the educated guess).

According to MAD's dating pluses & minuses scorecard the following apply..
1.a. If you talk to him on the phone for hours because he is so fascinating add a plus
b. If you talk to him on the phone for hours because the cops are tracing his call add a minus

2.a. If they stay up with you all night because they cant get enuff of you add a plus.
b. If they stay up with you all night because they need an alibi while their spouse is getting murdered add a minus.

3.a. If they bring you home to meet their parents and announce their intentions to marry you add a plus.
b. If they bring you home to meet their parents and shriek "See told you I am not gay" add a minus

4.a. If he would like to have kids add a plus
b. If he would like to have kids the way Michael Jackson likes to have kids add a minus.

5.a. If he listens attentively to every word you say add a plus.
b.If he listens attentively to every word you say even when he is supposedly not there through tapping your phone and carefully concealed bugs in every living area of your being add a minus.

6.a.If he tries to get you on a date by overwhelming you with flowers add a plus
b.If he tries to go out on another date with you by overwhelming you with a bottle full of chloroform knockout drops add a minus.

If you got even one minus consider ending the relationship immediately, more than three minuses consider getting yourself on the Ricki lake show.If you had six minuses you are dating either a certain Vice President or a member of the royal family,hang in there its bound to pay off.



On a more serious note I think relationships are like barter trade, there should be a double coincidence of wants. Dont string along the other party into believing things that arent there, you are just building on to the pedestal that you will eventually throw them off from. Lets face it if the thought of spending time with them goes down as well as a teaspoon of TimJan (shit that thing tastes awful) then you can either contour your face and swallow it or just spit it out....either way it will still leave a bitter taste in your mouth. If opposites really attracted I'd be having a tall, beautiful, smart chick seeing as I am short, ugly and dumb. Anyway hope that brings more confusion to the situation because in as much as you asked me about what you should do, you already knew what you wanted to and should do....DUMP THE BASTARD PLEASE.ps-did i mention I'm single by the way?(hint)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Britney

Am not dumb enough to post the pics of pantiless Britney but can provide you with a link.

Toots


Sorry wont make it to your graduation party but you know if I could I would have totally stolen the spotlight with my charm and good looks, modesty isnt one of my greater attributes. Anyway congrats my brother now hopefully you will hand over your position as the President of the Lonely hearts club.

Life

The unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time and then what do you do at the end of it all? You die. Now what’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back and spend the last nine months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap. And then finally you finish off as an orgasm!!!

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Where was I?

You are probably wondering what had happened to me and why the fuck I deleted all my previous posts from years back. Well keep wondering.

Friday, December 8, 2006

Relationships

Ok so people always wonder why I dont seem to be in a serious relationship, its not from the lack of trying. The thing is you meet someone, you go on a couple of dates and the next thing you know you're in a serious relationship. Only then do you realize that your beloved is actually a manic-depressive slut with homicidal tendencies among other annoying characteristics. Then I find myself back on the drawing board asking myself how I seem to always find myself in those situations. Is it because I dont plan?,truthfully speaking I will probably put more thought into my next beer purchase than as to the person I will share my most intimate and perverted moments with.

There are some criteria most guys use e.g if she says she has only had a handful of sexual encounters most guys consider that relationship material, but when they discover she considers an entire rugby team plus the referee as one experience well the story changes.Me on the other hand love women who love sex, it is when they mislead you into thinking they dont and yet they are fucking the entire country except me that I really lose all interest. I know honesty is a dead art so usually I dont believe anything anyone says, I am honest in almost all that I say but am never taken seriously...hell I dont even take myself seriously. Ever looked in the mirror and held back the urge to laugh at how pathetic your reflection is?

So basically the reason I dont dive head first into commitement like a hobo would into an all you can eat buffet is the simple reason of the cow and the milk. You see even if you buy the cow, there is no guarantee that you will milk it even if you do probably you are not the only one milking it. So if you can milk someone elses cow minus the cost of maintaining that cow, arent you getting a better deal?

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

The good guy

Expecting the world to be nice to you just because you are a nice person is like expecting a bull not to charge just because you are a vegeterian, I havent been trampled by a bull or anything that dramatic but I have been trampled over lots of times by people who abuse my kindness. Unfortunately that kindness is a part of who I am, it might keep me single but then relationships are overhyped anyway...at least thats what I keep telling myself. The thing is I believe that within every bad there is good and when you are different like I am with a totally abnormal view to the world people call you strange when you dont turn out to be what they wanted you to be, that is why I always tell people to never approach me with expectations.

Expectations only amount to dissapointment just like so many things in this world.